My sons & husband are super precious to me, not just speaking about my emotional attachment here, but they are actual “dharma jewels”. Essential tools in helping me on my path. How so? Well they help me reflect my own behaviour and therefore they are teaching me 24/7 about life as a Buddhist practitioner in a very “in my face” kind of way as I can’t really escape.
Sometimes they don’t do it intentionally and is it more an inner process of mine, but having brought them up the way I did, they often in so many words, let me know that I am merely a preacher and not a practitioner. So it becomes a dance of mirrored images not always welcome, but very precious nonetheless.
Here below a few examples and character sketches.
Imtiaz – The eldest son – 17 years of age, a somewhat free spirit and an analyst of life, his own and other peoples motives, everywhere and all the time. Just a few days ago he said something. He was just reflecting on his own state of mind and experiences as a practitioner. What he said resounded with me but not in a thunderstruck kind of way…it rather struck a chord inside me and opened a valve of knowing/ a sense of “how to be” an experience I have already had but somehow had forgotten to remind myself of. The mere memory and hearing him explain kinda broke down a lot of barriers within me. Not violently, it was without a great “aha” feeling, but more like the water retracts from he beach like at low tide,. It just happens and keeps on happening and you really don’t notice much at first until the water really retracts so far that there is no more denying it. And likewise with my mind…. the constriction and the grasping started collapsing ever so slightly, more, and more, and as I am typing I can see the profound effect it is having….. more freedom, a sense of more space. like the very good quality time has and can give us a sense like “everything is manageable and everything fits just by wishing it”.- Thank you Imtiaz
Thymen – The youngest – 12 years of age, wise and deep in a way no one truly understands. He makes things look effortless and has strength and power and is social and caring but at the same time doesn’t need much approval from others. Of course he is at a very different stage in life than his older brother – they differ 5 years – Anyhow Thymen has always given me a sense of “ you are ok for 80% & you are just like us but so some work still needs to be done”. He is very assured of himself but not in a cocky way. He just is, he is aware of his presence, of his influence in a nice way and is a very appreciative being, with a good dose of humor. He is also a very compassionate and intelligent being. He can be a brat, but hey what else are mums for if only to be like a brad with her. You can trust him to be in the middle, balanced and not subjective like his peers and in fact many of the grownups I know.
He frequently enforces the believe in myself and if I get carried away he tells me in an ever so friendly manner that I am no Bodhisattva yet!! But when he does, you will feel no sense of disapproval but merely a citing of his observances, logical thinking not empty of feeling, but true empathy and understanding way beyond his age.
My husband and I are constantly nagging each other. He helps me to mirror me in my most unrefined form: which can be a person that finds it hard to fault herself instead of others, who needs to be in control, is needy, power hungry, always wants to be right and places herself above others. Yes all of these ugly things are in me too. He brings to light my most ugly behaviour and I need to watch my behaviour all the time. But only just recently I saw this aspect of me so clearly and at the same time understood how much he is a blessing to me. He is patient and loyal and loving without compare, I probably don’t appreciate him enough but there are these moments when life get’s really difficult, like squeezing through the eye of a needle and after that period I understand how many qualities he actually has when it comes to being the best partner or spiritual companion you need in your life.
I know sometimes it is said that when people bring out the worst in you, or you feel they are dragging you down it is better to cut your losses and move on. But in this day and age in my perception we do this too easily. If we could look at ourselves a bit more closely it would be easier to understand that through the dynamics of a family or of simple being a couple our own mind and deeds are reflected. Of course I’m no marriage counsellor but I wish for all relationships to survive their rocky roads and hardships and for their partners to become the way to inner wisdom and enrichment of our inner life through them calling our bluf
Needed to get it of my chest – I love my family, they drive me nuts, but they are such an essential part of my development.
Do you find you inner most circle working for you or against you?
Love form the Unusual yogini – Radia