Joehoe I’m back
I couldn’t write while in Nepal…too much input and no way to write about it yet being in the middle of it all. I guess when I’m with my teacher and really in the middle of it all I live more in the present than when not in his presence. So being in the present is probably the strongest feeling without me noticing it. Whilst coming back I fell sick of Delhi belly and on arrival caught myself a common cold, sinusitis and bronchitis the latter of which I still feel the pain on my chest, but here I’m back writing about the past ☺
Somehow the effects if any – and I am sure there are, there always are some – are unraveled in the time thereafter. Which is now, or which has started now. Anyways I’ll see and tell you about it if and when in my minds comprehension I can put it into words and here a first attempt.
Double the trouble?
So this trip was very harmonious…on the surface and even on a deeper level I was way, way more relaxed than other trips somehow. Maybe because early on I felt that for this Tibetan New year there were a lot of people coming and joining our teacher in Nepal. For example, when I left I had a list of 35 people and just one day before my teacher arrived in Nepal I had a confirmed list of about 60 people.
There was a moment of panic when I thought; “how am I going to manage all” but than the first lesson came and I knew I had to relax and do the right things – like really taking care and owning up to my tasks without complaint. A kind of meditational surrender and let go of the result, enjoying the diversity of people and their individual characters, wishes, needs, questions etc.
This year let’s say I didn’t have to ask for compliments they just came as perhaps the biggest difference in me was that I wasn’t attached to the result and wasn’t looking for the guest’s or my teacher’s praise, but I did what needed to be done just because….. And that part is difficult to describe but I’ll try…because of “Devotional surrender” of the task at hand. For me this is: “knowing it’s the right thing from the inside no need for feedback from the outside in the form of praise or the seeking of approval from the outside,,
Sure I am not all grown up yet in terms of the spirit and still have a lot of hang ups and it sound very serious, but I had more fun than in years with all the guests, my teacher, his family and the friends I made over the years. In general, I felt like belonging and a sense of inner calm that maybe is induced when you are not looking for praise/ approval/ feedback etc. Maybe I even felt more whole inside and more myself than when I am defending the ego which is the opposite of surrender to the self?
I Mean when praise comes it is nice but nothing to blow your ego up over either. I need to know from the inside that I did the right things a hard state to achieve for me in daily life.
After some examination and in my believe right now, this “being in the moment” and “ being free from the need of praise/approval” brings forth tireless energy. Energy that flows without obstruction through my system and gives off happiness to all you touch.
Like it spreads once it hits an outward surface and get’s shared than increases.
The lady below is perceptively drunk but once she starts dancing touches your heart with her surrender and total lack of looking at the effect she has on others
Present & future coincide
But a couple a weeks have passed and old behaviour creeps in and honestly it is time to surrender again!
Love you all – Radia, The Unusual Yogini
What does surrender mean to you?.. How you experience it and how does it change your perception of the world around you. IS its necessary to surrender to your true inner self? Let me know what this blog does to you!!